November 1st, 2006 at 11:33 am
My dad has been gone for more than 4 1/2 years now. However, the wounds have yet to heal. It has come to a point where I hate Father's Day as it is too painful a memory and I don't talk about him very much as I get too emotional. I did tear up on one occasion when I followed J into a Hallmark shop as she was going to buy a card for her dad - I felt an overwhelming sadness of seeing those lovely cards of appreciation and no one to give it to.
The more the years go by, the more I think of what I should have said to him (when he was alive) and the regret I feel for not showing my appreciation for his unconditional support/love he gave me throughout my lifetime. To me, it was just taken for granted. I guess I never realized how much he supported me, helped me and how much he was there for me (and the rest of my family) until he was gone.
One (happy) memory is of a birthday gift I bought him one year - it was a Flintstones tie I had saved up and bought with my allowance. He really loved that tie! He could have worn many other expensive ties but he chose to wear mine and he wore it with pride. It was apparent with the several pictures of him wearing it, he just had a gleam in his eye and an extra special smile.
Some of the things I have been thinking about throughout the years (in no particular order):
- I wish he would have met J my lovely wife. (Dad was supposed to visit us but never made it as he passed away)
- I wish he came to my wedding (I know he was looking down from above)
- I wish I got to speak to him when he called and left a message. (He passed away a few days later)
- I wish we were able to take that skiing trip (we were planning to take together) to Colorado that month instead of me hearing the sad news.
- I wish he would have seen what I have come to achieve so far.
- I wish I made a better effort at spending more time with him during my younger days instead of doing so-called (more) important stuff like hanging out with friends.
- I wish we would have continued going on family trips together after we (my sister and I) left home and were living far apart.
- I wish I would have told him how sorry I was to cause him headaches & heartaches when I was bad in school, and the things I said and did throughout my lifetime. "Forgive me dad"
- I wish I said, "Thanks dad for supporting me through thick and thin."
- I wish I said, "I love you" and that "you are the best dad in the world", never did and I regret it.
"I love you dad. You ARE (and always will be) THE best dad in the world!"
13 Responses to “Things I should have said (and done) with dad”
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Tasra said: @ 11:53 am
November 1st, 2006
Relationships with fathers always seem difficult…we’re hoping to change that with our kids. We want them to enjoy coming to see us, to realize we’re not perfect but that we love them perfectly. I’m sorry for your pain and regret, but think your self-awareness is wonderful!
-t- said: @ 1:08 pm
November 1st, 2006
Thanks for reminding me of what I still want to say to my parents before they are gone. Not just my parents but the rest of the family, too. I still owe lunch to some of them. :)
cube said: @ 2:32 pm
November 1st, 2006
What a lovely tribute to your dad. Thanks for the reminder that we all take some things for granted. Excuse me, but I’ve got to go hug my dad right now :-)
Sheri said: @ 3:57 pm
November 1st, 2006
We lost my husband’s father-in-law about five months ago and he is going through the same reflections right now. I tell him to remember and cherish the things that he did say and the things that he did do with his father that brought them both joy. I’m sure your father is very proud of you and in some way can hear your wishes.
Che - Cardiff said: @ 5:15 pm
November 1st, 2006
M - that brought tears to my eyes……..
We never say enough to our loved ones in our lifetime and theirs and sometimes, it’s just too late.
This is a lesson I’ve learnt that life is too short to be selfish; let us be generous with our time together and make an effort to do the things which time permits us to do.
Memories is what we leave behind when we’re done with this world and in dad’s case, there was so much more memories to be made (with you, me, mum and J and J and J)but unfortunately, that was never going to be.
so let me say it now……….I’m glad to have a brother like you and blessed with a great sis-in-law. You are very special to me and we all love you lots.
Jeff said: @ 6:36 pm
November 1st, 2006
My dad died when I was 18. Thanks for bringing him back to me for a few minutes.
Beth said: @ 6:43 pm
November 1st, 2006
I lost my dad when I was 15. The old cliche is true-time does heal, however you will always think about the things you wish you could have done or said. I think parents know, even when you’re a teen and a total pain, deep down you do appreciate them. If he hadn’t known, he wouldn’t have kept loving you. I’m not a religious person, more spiritual and I firmly believe such things happen for a reason. I also believe your dad is with you, in every decision you make, through the good and bad-and will be for the rest of your life.
Mr. Fabulous said: @ 7:13 pm
November 1st, 2006
This was a great post. I have a lot of the same thoughts and issues about my dad.
Friday's Child said: @ 9:08 pm
November 1st, 2006
I’m sorry to hear about your dad. I lost my dad too last 2002 and when I come to think of it, I still can’t forget him nor can I believe that he’s gone. I think this is how it is when you love someone so much and you think you have not done so much for that person.
Thanks for passing by.
libragirl said: @ 10:44 pm
November 1st, 2006
I’m glad I just told my mom and dad I loved them.
Liz (Looney Mom) said: @ 11:58 pm
November 1st, 2006
That has to be tough. I’m sorry. We shouldn’t take any of our loved ones for granted and we should remember to take any and every opportunity to let them know just how much we love them. Thanks for the reminder. God bless you.
kristarella said: @ 4:36 am
November 2nd, 2006
I think he knew. He obviously loved you and I’m sure he knew that we don’t always openly appreciate things when we can but that someday we’ll realise how good they were.
Angela said: @ 6:35 pm
November 2nd, 2006
Oh dam (family friendly version), now you’ve got me crying. I do believe that there’s a connection that remains even after death, and I’ll bet he knows how you feel and just wishes he could let you know how much he loves you, too. Missing someone just sucks. No other good way around it.